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Beat Down

Today our new poster child for Domestic Abuse is Ray Rice.

But the week before he was on the news how come the man that was doing the same thing to his lady in Connecticut or in Kansas or in California was not being talked about or called out?

How come we aren't speaking about the Stock Broker or Teacher or Bus Driver or Office Manager that is behaving in the same way?

Once again jumping on the band wagon of the latest news item when on a daily basis women all around the world young or old, rich or poor deal with this subject and pain.

Another example of lack of education. 
This is not a race thing it's a human thing and any and all types of men are capable of this behavior as are women.

Do I believe he should be punished? Of course. Would I ban him from Football or burn his jersey or return his jersey? No. 
How does that address and correct his anger issues?
How does that teach his wife self worth?

Societies answer to everything uncomfortable is always a band aid. Hurry up hurry up get that out of my sight but never ok let me stop and really take a close look. 

As a woman I have never been hit by another human being besides my mother and the one time my daughter's father tried to slap me at the age of 23/24 I had at the time the ole school cordless phones on my hand and I took it and hit him right across the forehead with it. It was an instinct, to raise my hand defend myself. I cut him enough for him to bleed and have a light scar a few days. His friends noticed and laughed at him he felt embarrassed and he learned to never try and never raise his hands at me or any other women ever again. We spoke on it at length and both learned that when in an argument or disagreement it was best to give each other space and time to calm down and come back to issues with different attitude.

So many relationships have issues because both parties don't know when to say ok let's stop a minute and come back to this later. People feel they must be heard immediately, that they must be right all the time or that they have to win.
But who ever really wins when you are either mentally or physically hurting someone you are suppose to love?

Education is the answer. We teach our sons to be tough, go out in the field win the game, go to War come back alive, be an officer everyone respects and admires, wrestle that guy to the ground, be aggressive in getting that job etc...
Did you teach them how to shut off that aggression? Did you teach them how to unwind after hours or days or months or even years of having a bully approach?

No we have not. We see the results with Soldiers that come home after serving in the Military, we see it with Athletes, we see it in our neighbor after he has come home from working at a detention center, we even see it when our kids come home from playing a game.
Aggression. They don't know what to do with all those emotions, why? Because we teach our males to repress and be strong. Anything covered with pressure is bound to explode.

I have been witness to so many times when my nephews came home from a game be it Basketball or Football or Wrestling and they were so hyped up that our interactions were very poor until they were able to calm down and remove the field mentality into regular life mentality.

The same way we have training for go get them tactics let's start training on how to deal with anger.
Let's start at a younger age with our little boys and girls. Let's stop laughing at playground rough housing and teach respect of each others space and bodies.
Let's stop accepting boys will be boys and girls are so sensitive statements.

Another thing we need to be more sensitive to is once a women is abused let's not continue to abuse her by showing her pictures or commenting on "what we would do". No one knows for sure until they are faced with this issue how they will react. Stop telling her "she should leave" she knows what she should do but until she is ready she won't be able to take the next step.
Let's provide her with the tools to make it easier to leave, safer to leave and lets protect her privacy. She is still deserving of that.

It is not a free for all to sit back and talk about these people like they are characters in a Reality show, these are real human beings.
This could be your son or your daughter, your brother or sister, your neighbor and his wife.
Communication and action is needed now.

I am including links that provide help and information if needed.
Women if you find yourself in this situation there is help. If you suspect a friend is in need, start a loving conversation, leave your judgment out the door.

cdc.gov teen violence & dating

illustration by theshaveden.com

Always stress free xo

What is Old can be New again.

Sometimes an End is a wonderful Gift in Disguise