Are you Failing or Thriving as a Parent?
Hello love, it’s been a minute but I want to only bring topics that Spark conversations. I don’t want to post just to post because my calendar says so. Since my health scare in January I have been sitting more intensely with my Introspective Self. I find that I dissect my relationships even more than I have in the past.
Though I believe in giving things an opportunity to develop, unravel, reveal, and play themselves out I have made a conscious choice to cut that time shorter than I have in my past. Lately, I’ve been given the front row seat to several different types of relationships and how they are being played out. I find that people watching and listening is a wonderful education tool that you can never receive in a classroom setting. Parenting is a perfect example.
Parenting is an individual journey and though there are endless ways to end up on the right track there are definitely some ways to end up on the wrong track. Everything begins with the Foundation. You can’t be afraid to dive in and get your hands dirty. Setting rules and boundaries from the beginning is key for any relationship, including Parenting. Here’s what I’ve been watching, tell me what you think?
A single mother, maneuvering her way through establishing a workable Co-Parenting arraignment. After a rocky start she is finally in a place to speak in a civil manner with her ex and they are now in a better place. She is now ready to begin dating and of course requires her ex to work with her on certain schedules and so forth. With any new connection as a parent your responsibility is first and foremost towards the Safety of your child, this is where my observations peaked.
She begins to date this man, he has been over her home, her child has already seen him and he calls him his friend. Her ex has a female friend that the single mother deems a “bad person” yet allows her child to go and sleep over this home. I am stopping here with details because from my perspective, as a mother that is all that matters period. You categorize someone as a “bad person” yet allow your child to be in their home? The most valuable thing in your life and you just send them off? You say you trust your ex’s judgment?
What deems someone a “bad person” yet you overlook it for your comfort? Whether it is babysitting, a birthday party, or a sleep over. How and when is it ever ok to leave your child in that person’s care? Because even if the other parent is present, they are still being watched by that so called “bad person”. They still have access to your child.
My perspective, no scenerio is a valid reason for me to leave my child with someone I deem as “bad”. Words matter and if that is what you feel then your child shouldn’t be exposed to such a person. That is not responsible parenting. That is not doing the best job as a mother that you can do. Make other arraignments, have a civil conversation, get to the root of the matter first. Your comfort does not override your child’s needs, especially when it pertains to surroundings and people.
I feel we all work best when we have a safe tribe we belong to. A group of many or a few that support us and we can speak freely with on all matters. I am grateful that in my blogging journey I have come to connect with a few and Seida Hood is one of my Tribe Sisters. She is a licensed clinical Social Worker and Therapist based in Illinois who I connected with a few years back through talks dealing with issues many were afraid to dive into. We both tend to speak our minds and at times come from very different views but it is the ability to Start a Conversation that matters most.
We chat often on our FTHC Tribe community site and try our best to hold monthly live chats in which we pick one specific theme and run with it. Those can get intense to say the least. Seida recently posted a topic on family called Discipline vs. Independence. I am going to attach the info here, since it’s part of our group chat I can’t share direct link but I felt the conversation was interesting and we can continue a conversation here as well…..
Discipline vs. Independence
How do you find the balance between respecting your child's thoughts and feelings vs disciplining them and/or drawing a firm boundary?
If you choose not to draw a boundary, what are you teaching them?
What does drawing a boundary look like in your household?
What do you say ladies?
Me: What worked for Me and I constantly promote is starting from the womb. If you start from day one then your ride will be smoother than most. All rules are same and you tweak as they grow. I never had rebellious years because my daughter knew what was up. The most precious commodity is TRUST if your kids know that loosing that means loosing it all then they will respect you because if they mess up you will follow through. I believe in respect I give her respect she gives me respect, we talk, we share, we solve. Children are smaller versions of human beings not a property. Twenty four years later my daughter will tell you I'm her everything.
Seida: So how do you instill trust in a child so young when they're prone to lie?
Me: Kids are pretty brutal with honesty actually it's when parents reactions begin to scare them that they begin to LIE. When the parents HAPPINESS is connected to the kid doing the right thing they LIE because they don't want to make mommy or daddy sad.
Even little kids who do something "wrong" should be thanked for telling truth and should be taught and encouraged to come clean no matter what because Mom n dad will love them anyway. Our love is NOT connected to their behaviour but to them as a WHOLE HUMAN.
Change in perspective😁😁😉
Seida: Say that thang girl! Lol now when are you teaching your life skills class?
So here you have two great subject matters! Themes that affect parenting relationships and can even be tweaked to adult relationships. I would love to hear your thoughts, start a conversation!!!
Always stress-free xo,