Four ways you can shift from Becoming your Mother
Good Morning! So we are officially in the Spring season time to really shed the dead weight. I went to a Sound Healing and Breathwork event last night with one of my Sister Circle dolls Liana Naima . It was a safe circle of about twenty or so women of all ages just sharing and exploring who they really are or want to become at their core. Not allowing past mistakes or choices to limit their present or their future.
One of the activities was breaking off into small groups of three or four. She then asked a series of questions in which we all had several minutes to share. One thing I continue to embrace is the placement of what is needed at the time in my life. Once you are willing to part take in the journey of Self-Awareness you will encounter this more and more and you will no longer fight it. You will be more accepting of the fact that what you want is not always what you need and the Universe will find ways to remove it from your path.
My circle consisted of three beautiful young women all finding their way through life, through self-doubt, sabotage, fear, hurt, abandonment and many deep routed Mother issues. My group had single mothers, students, creatives, etc...But no matter how different our backgrounds and our ages we all carried or were in the process of shedding some sort of deep routed issue we could trace back to our Mothers.
They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and in our discussion, it was revealed just how true and limiting that can be. Many of us carry our parent's expectations and fears. Many of us unknowingly follow patterns set up for us from birth without any question. In doing so we also carry a dead trunk that weighs us down as we attempt to forge our own paths. As the evening continued to unfold and stories continued to be shared many tears were shed but also lots of laughter and hope. This was my take away...
As one in the group who has also been the victim of many of these limiting experiences and emotions I will share that Now that you have taken the necessary steps to change your path, it can be done. Now that you have become Self-Aware of the sort of choices you have made and why you Can do better. You have done the hardest part, which is to look at yourself and say, "this behavior no longer works for me, I need help."
Four ways you can shift from Becoming your Mother:
-Don't run away from the truth, don't cover up the past. Sit, reflect, ask questions if not directly to her to someone else close to her or perhaps if that option is not available then take the time to break down your childhood so you can reveal the root of the problem. For me, it took lots of reading, lots of talking about my past with a dear friend that I trusted and could empathize with my experience. It took me learning about value and about what love really means and looks like.
-As you begin to peel away the layers also put into play changing your perspective. In order to heal, to forget or perhaps just to forgive a little it is always best to look at things from another point of view. So make time to view your mother's journey. What was happening in her own life as she was making yours so uncomfortable? Was she a single parent, was she unhappy at work, did she lack emotional support from friends and family? Was she dealing with Mental Health issues, was she financially unstable? All these things matter. In my home, it was a combination of all of the above. Even after my mother remarried the problems didn't change they just took on a different shape and degree of seriousness.
-Create distance and allow healing to take place at its own time. Don't push the process and don't stop just because others feel uncomfortable with what you need. Self-Care at this time is crucial to letting go and moving forward. Many find self-care to be selfish but those that feel this way need not be part of your community of supporters. In this journey, you will find that many need to be left behind because your heart, your spirit, and your soul have outgrown their purpose. That is totally ok, you can love from a distance. For me, this took the shape of walking away from my mother and sisters. It required me to pray for their own healing from afar and channel that wanting for family acceptance and love into my volunteer work with children and displaced families. I gave to them the attention and empathy they required in their time of need and they gave me gratitude, love, and value. They appreciated my presence and existence on this planet.
-Kindness, once you have become comfortable in your new path you can begin to take baby steps to reconnect as you wish with that relationship. You will with your new skills in hand be able to approach issues that were problematic in your past with a new attitude. If you judged yourself or others too harshly before this time around you will be able to react slower and more carefully. Making a choice to react out of love instead of fear, control or habit. For me, this expressed itself with practicing my Breathing. Whenever I find myself feeling uncomfortable I stop a take a few deep breaths and then I proceed to talk or do.
We all have a choice, we don't have to keep repeating our past. We don't have to follow our families footsteps we don't have to feel this is just the way it is. It ISN'T! Mother is just a label, in the end, she is just another human being. Once you can detach from the parent-child cord you can make rational choices leaving feelings behind.
What are your thoughts? Do you believe patterns are hard to break? Do you feel it is no use trying to change the course of your life's journey when it comes to your parents? Share your experience how are you the same and/or different from your mother, your parent in general?
Always stress-free xo, Mari
FYI! BTW, congrats to my loyal subscriber Kayla Richardson for winning my 8x10 print. That you for your entry and support. Hope you enjoy my artwork xo:)