Three things that will make you a Better Mother
Without respect, there is no reasonable communication. Do you agree or disagree? Here's my perspective.
As the mother of a twenty-three-year-old, there is no topic that is off limits in my home. I have always shared that my daughter and I have been having deep, meaningful, conversations since she was in the Womb. I would speak with her and still speak with her first and foremost with the Respect that she is an individual human being separate from myself. That is the First thing that will make you a Better Mother.
Believe me when I say I know how hard it is to carry a little human being for nine months and during that time to train your brain to see them as an individual so that when you give birth you don't attach all your hangups, expectations and dreams solely on them. I didn't want to approach motherhood in this way but I learned through my own mother's mistakes that if I wanted to have a successful journey I couldn't repeat what she did. I couldn't treat my child as property, I wouldn't parent like a Dictator. We would have rules to follow but with plenty of room for conversations to be had. Respect is earned and given be reasonable with your children and they will respect your values.
Values, lead me to the Second thing that will make you a Better Mother. What and where you place your value teaches your child a lot about you (the parent), themselves, and the world they live in. If you place value on things and labels then the respect of self will always come at a price. I never taught my daughter to just respect her elders, I taught her to respect people period and to demand respect back always. I didn't teach my daughter to respect her teachers just because I taught her to respect them, expect to be respected in return and to always question that which made her feel uncomfortable.
Blindly following is not showing respect it's foolishness. For a mother to teach her child to just follow what the "adult" says is reducing her child's value. Mothers are the first security blanket, we set the tone for what our kids expect in order to feel secure. Nurture that sense of questioning and curiosity. Add to it that their feelings are valid and that you will always be there to support and guide them. Questions open up the lines of communication which brings me to three...
Throw away that book that tells you to wait till xyz to talk about abc, erase all those notions that certain topics can wait, walk away from those people that say "kids don't know" or "kids don't understand." The third thing that will make you a Better Mother is Communication. Talking about everything and anything at any moment with age-appropriate language. Stop fooling yourselves into thinking kids don't understand, it is you that doesn't understand how much of a sponge a young mind is.
They observe everything, they feed off your energy, and they remember ALL. Make it easier on yourself and just talk. There is no embarrassing topic, what would be embarrassing is the disservice of them walking around misinformed. Knowledge is power, who better to empower them than you? Who better to provide the tools of survival than someone who loves, respects and values them?
My Lil Mama speaks to me about Everything. Our conversations touch on so many things it's like a never-ending therapy session. The joy comes from paying attention to the evolution of topics. Toys, sports, video games, sneakers, television shows and movies have now grown to include politics, environmental issues, education, women's empowerment, health and sex issues and why I should stop eating meat. Topics are endless and the communication they allow only helps us grow in respect and more love for one another.
Recap... Respect, Value, and Communication.
If you are wondering why the post subject is Three things that will make you a Better Mother and not just a Better Parent the reason is pretty simple. Living in a country where woman are so poorly valued, where men want to dictate what females can do with their bodies, where the difference in salary can make or break a household, to live in a world where women and young girls could be killed for refusing to marry or are having their bodies mutilated I don't feel the need to talk to men at this moment. I feel the need to encourage and empower my fellow women.
Information that allows for better mothering empowers many and the positive effects are endless. Empowered mothers raise empowered children who grow up to make impactful decisions. Who take old rules that no longer serve and introduce new ways to make communities flourish.
Share your thoughts, what has been or was helpful to you in raising your children? What has helped your wife become a Better Mother? What did your mom do that helped her be a Better mom to you? Share your experiences, share your journey.
Always stress-free xo,