How Important is Transparency in a Relationship?
Hey doll, hope we have been practicing those tools we said we wanted to incorporate early in 2018 to Create our Best Life. Hope we haven't started to give up. I wanted to revisit this topic, especially with the ladies. I wanted to share a re-post that points out the difference between how males and females approach relationships and then I wanted us to connect again at the end and see where we stand today.
When something is transparent it is clear all around, so in transparency, we have clarity through and through. This is a wonderful goal to strive for in any relationship but let's focus on relationships between men and women. Are we mature enough even if we consider ourselves adults to be able to handle transparency? Do we say we want to know everything, we want all the cards on the table etc...to then crumble under all the truth?
My first relationship had no transparency, or at least not by the dictionary version. We were two kids really both just leaving our parents homes and embarking on a life together where we really hadn't built lives of our own. How can you be clear with someone else when you are not even clear with yourself? Eighteen-year-olds in my group were partying, traveling, working and going to college. They weren't looking for apartments, fixing up their resumes, budgeting their money to pay bills and rent.
That was the boat I jumped on with my daughter's father and we were so not ready. We had no clue. We thought love and sex would carry us through anything. You know what I mean, at that age sex is always a priority and we all think it means love. Eighteen years together we sure learned a lot and loved a lot but not enough for me to continue to want to travel that road.
My second relationship was all about transparency. So much so I really had to look up the word in the dictionary to see just what it meant as a whole. Seriously, our first in-depth phone conversation lasted 4hrs and he told me everything! I was like "omg this is way too much information, is he for real?" What he said on the phone that day and every day after for the next almost two years was true to form. He never veered from the path he laid out, he never said something or behaved in a way in which I said I never knew that. He was every bit who and what he presented. Transparency. But this great quality in him didn't leave much space for my imperfections so he opted out.
Today I am reaping the rewards of two wonderful, life teaching, tool-filled relationships. At first, of course, you are filled with sadness and other emotions related to a loss in a relationship. But when and if we are lucky to know better and be open to the gifts they left behind, then it was not a loss at all.
I love these two men, they gave me so much. I thank them often if not daily for bringing me to this place today. I no longer suffer from the Dilemma of Transparency. I no longer fear it, run from it or push it away. I welcome it, I practice it, I live it, I preach it and I expect it. How I got clear was by sitting with myself. By cleaning up house for lack of a better word. By embracing change and by being open to new opportunities.
This is the life my daughter sees, these are the lessons she is taking away. At an early age, my daughter is clear no pun intended on Transparency. She is prepared to offer and receive exactly what she requires in her life to form a strong fighting chance, a great Union.
So now I ask you, is Transparency the best way to go into an Intimate relationship? Will it help you grow as a unit or sprinkle seeds of discomfort? Will it help in the long run or just be tolerable short term? For me building my life with this new intent has helped tremendously. It allows for frank conversations and little wasted time. No heavy surprises need to be revealed down the line and you can build slowly and with again great intentions.
I am going to share again something Bishop TD Jakes shared in one of his presentations. This is not about religion it's about the message. It is called Junk in Trunk. It is light-hearted insight, let me know what you think. Share your experiences, let's have a chat.
Always stress-free xo,