Is it time you Relearned how to Love your Partner?
Hey, welcome back hope all is good. Today I want us to talk about Love. Love at its best should be stress-free and nourishing. Love should fill us with goosebumps, butterflies, and whimsical Day Dreams and it does but only for about two years and then the magic and the shine fade away or so that is what I learned from reading The 5 Love Languages, the secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman.
Anyone who wants to succeed at a realistic, well balanced, nurturing and not depleting loving intimate relationship should add this book to their journey. Anyone who wants to succeed at building great connections with those they love period should read this book as well.
I have in my quest for peaceful love in all areas of my life been reading, practicing, talking, sharing, testing many theories about how we express and what we require when it comes to love. When at a Sister Circle some time ago this book came up and the different languages came up two stood out for me the most. Before I get into my two, in case you are not familiar with the five here is a very brief summary:
Words of Affirmation~ hearing I love you, hearing how you are missed, appreciated, etc...gives you the sense you are loved. Makes you feel secure with your partner.
Acts of Service~ taking out the trash, making dinner, paying the bills, taking the kids to school, fixing the car, taking clothes to the cleaners. Your partner taking care of you and your needs makes you feel loved and appreciated.
Receiving Gifts~ a new car, a nice watch, new dress, vacations, getting physical items indicate the love they have earned.
Quality time~ watching tv together, going for walks, date night, going to a show or the museum, catching a baseball game together. Activities that require one on one time with each other.
Physical Touch~ sexual intimacy, kissing, hugging, back rubs. Things that require your partner to touch you often make you feel connected and loved.
The Physical Touch section of the book reminded me of a post I wrote regarding Loosing "that spark" we all have in the beginning here is a quick revisit on that share:
*REPOST*If you have prudish tendencies don't continue to read*
On my walk last night again I saw a couple that made me smile from ear to ear. They must have been in their late 50's early 60's, they are living what I believe, which is in a relationship make sure you don't lose the Spark. They were holding hands, snuggling, she was rubbing his arm and he was kissing her cheek and massaging her back.
Don't get comfortable, don't be complacent, don't invite boredom and avoid routine. I am a firm believer that no matter what age you are or how long you have been together it is never ok to leave the house or walk into the house without a kiss and a hug. No matter what the situation, it is never ok not to greet one another with love and affection.
Making out, groping, squeezing, feeling up, slaps on the butt, quickies, oral games, toys etc...do not have expiration dates or age limits. If your partner ignited those feelings in you and you in them whether it was at 16, 22, 28 or 37 as your relationship grows and the years pass that same spark should be felt in some way.
If you are not excited about your partner. If your thoughts of them 90% of the time don't bring you a smile, if you are not happy to hear their voice or see their face on your phone screen the majority of the time, then you need to start asking yourself why not? Yes ok I know, we have lives, we work, we have kids, we have bills, we have disagreements but so what!
This is the person you love. This is the guy who you couldn't wait to call you. The one that just the thought of his hands on you made you lose control. This is the woman that walked into the room and your penis was at attention. This is the woman you couldn't wait to get in a room alone! Humans thrive on touch. We crave warmth, we yearn for affection. Pay attention to your partner. Let's continue to be grown and sexy at any age. Let's role play, let's dance, let's laugh, let's cry, let's make love, let's have sex, let's grow older together not old and loveless together.
Couples should never be going days at a time without some form of sexual connection. Not a day should go without a tender kiss or touch and an affirmation of I love you. Affection and sexuality and forms of such expression are in abundance, research! Be creative! The same energy you place on shopping around for that great dress or those beautiful throw pillows is the same energy you place on learning new positions, trying a new restaurant or going for a walk or watching a movie together. This is the person you love! Show it.
Physical Touch is extremely important to a long-lasting relationship but I think many would agree that certain factors must come together in order to have those feelings, the urges always alert, ready, willing and able.
My perspective after reading the book and after reviewing my life brought me to the conclusion that my love languages because you can have more than one, are Acts of Service and Quality time. If in my relationships I am filling my tank with these types of love all the other things are and will be possible. Words are just words without action and gifts are temporary distractions and sex or any other type of physical touch is meaningless without long-term emotions.
Do you know your love language? Are you at a crossroad in your relationship and believe the love is gone? Maybe you are just loving or being loved wrong? Invest time in getting to know what you need in order to feel loved and ask your partner to do the same. You may be surprised at the changes you encounter and the rewards you receive.
As I commented earlier I don't just practice this in an intimate relationship I practice it in all my relationships. I have found that once I took the time to learn what those I love require from me, I have been able to comply or at least try to do better in expressing love.
Share your thoughts and experience would love to hear your journey.
Always stress-free xo,