Why stepping away from Toxic people or things isn't as easy as it seems
Anything done in excess is an Addiction. When you find yourself Mindlessly taking part in something that doesn’t add to your Value but instead diminishes your Worth, that is an Addiction.
I was addicted to explaining my actions and choices to people who judged but really didn’t care about me. I was addicted to Not wanting to seem selfish, self-absorbed, or just in my bubble but I almost died and now I don’t care about ANY of those things.
It has now been close to six months since my Stroke and so many things have changed for me both literally and figuratively. Aside from the obvious which is I could have died or become disabled, I still have lingering effects on my taste buds. This means what I once loved to eat, now I can’t even stand to smell most of the time. Day to day food choices is a challenge for me one that was at first very upsetting but now it is just part of my routine. One that at times is upsetting to those around me but they seem to be trying to get used to it as I have.
Another change and this one is Major for me is the Affirmation that I will live my life as I see fit for me. I will continue to Create my safe spaces, I will continue to Protect my bubble, and I will continue to share my journey with all who wish to hear but it is NOT my job to engage to a point of reverting to old behaviors or getting sucked into a Toxic hole. My Yoga & Meditation practice teaches me to remain Centered at all times, that when a very strong wind blows my feet should remain planted and secure and for the most part after numerous years of practicing this teaching has been doable for me. On certain days, with certain people, it has been trying and I have failed.
Stepping away from Toxic people or things isn’t as easy as it seems because we live in a world in which we all have a story to tell. We all have dealt or are dealing with life and its many roads. We all are walking in the Choices we have made. We are beings who require connection in order to thrive. We want to love and be loved. Our emotions are wonderful acknowledgments of LIFE but they can also make us FEEL like death. Our past history spills over onto our present existence, the families we are born into, the life they themselves experienced, the choices They made, all have an effect on who we are today. Traumatic family & Mental Health issues affect all of us.
This is why most of us can’t seem to walk away because it is so woven into our minds and bodies that it is somehow NORMALIZED to treat people and or those we say we love, poorly and STILL engage with them on a daily basis as if nothing is wrong.
My daughter and I talk daily, not just because we live together but because we genuinely respect, love, and enjoy each other’s company and Value our life experiences up to this point. Our talks can go on for hours and I have come to see them as our own “family therapy”. Our way of working through our traumas and mental health issues. A tool we exercise so that when we engage with others we can respectfully coexist. My daughter is trying her best to teach me to remove my bubble. To remain safe, yet open myself up to others who are working through their traumas and at times toxic tendencies rear their ugly heads. She is showing me ways to handle my triggers but is very mindful that this is a delicate process.
Because my daughter deals with Anxiety, she can empathize with how certain actions can come across as Toxic behaviors. How too much or too little emotion can cause issues with communication. How our chemistry can betray us at times, especially with those we say we love. I listen sometimes quietly sometimes not so much and take in what she is sharing because I do want to learn, I want to grow and do better. I don’t want to remain in my bubble out of ignorance. I believe when you know better you do better.
Stepping away from Toxic people or things isn’t as easy as it seems that’s why it is critical to invest time in ourselves and our Mental Health. This investment can help loosen the grip of Addiction on those things that do not serve our best interest. Some things that I continue to find helpful in protecting my safe space while still engaging with others is…
reducing my time on Social Media
investing time on getting to know myself
volunteering my time and services
remaining PRESENT in all I do
accepting my past, my family, my journey, BUT realizing I have the power to change things NOW
Don’t get me wrong, I still am quick to run as far away from anyone’s “toxic hole” but I’m just running a little slower with the help of my daughter and others. I’m working on finding a comfortable space not just MY space.
How about you? How do you handle Toxic situations? Do you have family trauma that you are dealing with or have dealt with? Share your experience here.
Always stress-free xo,