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Welcome to my Blog. A place that encourages Zen with a little mix of Fiesty!

Dating some Frogs to find your Prince.

The saying kiss some frogs till you find your Prince is funny but in the dating world at any age you can totally understand.

Since my reentry into the dating world these past few years I will affirm there are many many frogs. Not to discourage anyone or myself just keeping it real. What I will say about dating today in comparison to my younger days is the confidence. I know what I want and I know what I stand for. 

I want to share a particular experience. It's funny, not so funny but also long term lesson teaching. One I'm sure several people can relate to.

illustration by yteevents.com

It's a nice sunny day in NYC, time for festivals and fun. I'm over in Harlem about to catch TGT (Tyrese Ginuwine Tank) who were about to perform in an open stage. Lots of great food, people, etc...I was set to meet a girlfriend of mine earlier for brunch but she was running late so I ended up having brunch alone at a spot called Red Rooster. I had a great time eating alone, people watching etc...When I was done and as I'm walking around enjoying the sights I look up and lock eyes with some great eye candy! We both smile, look around then lock eyes again. Exchange hellos and comment on the day and the events going on around us. I then comment on his eyes. They were a shade of Hazel/Yellow type, they just hypnotized you. I stood there motionless.

Yes I know...how vain is that. But let's be honest we do focus on appearance first, how can you not.

Anyway we made some more small talk and he asked for my number, I said I don't give out my number but I would take his if he chose to share. He asked where I would be and I told him where I was headed and he said give me a call later maybe I can meet up with you and your friend and then we can grab something to eat. I said sure, and halfway through the performance I texted my location and he swung by. Great, great right?right. The chat during show was fun, my girlfriend was giving thumbs up, we were giggling etc... After the show we walked back towards places to eat, my girlfriend said she didn't want to be a third wheel so said her goodbyes and we picked a spot and ordered some food.

Introductions to who we were...the sharing part of the basics of our background. 1st red flag...how he spoke about his daughter's mothers. Yes mother's more than one. The words he chose and how his body language changed. 2nd red flag he really had very little interaction with his kids. But because I didn't want to judge I shrugged it off and gave him the benefit of the doubt. Dinner was great we chatted for several hours and parted ways. Options in the air to reconnect again for a second time.

illustration by mylot.com

Second meet; city sights, chatter and some food. Tiny flags popping up but again nothing I am stopping at and breaking down. We went out to numerous activities for about a month. To his credit I must say he was very charming, educated, creative, funny, well built, had his own place and was a hard worker. He had set high standards and goals for himself. I guess that is why I continued to give him some slight pass. All along the red flags never went away instead they just got stronger. Two things happened that stopped me in my tracks and I knew it was time to call it a wrap.

The first one was an evening we went to meet up with his cousin in Brooklyn, she was catching a show at BAM (Brooklyn Academy of Music). We were laughing it up, taking pictures, walking around and when she finally appeared it was a pleasant hello. We chatted it up and found a spot to grab a bite. We ordered some drinks, the place was Argentinian so I of course yapped it up in Spanish with the Bartender and other people around the bar. We were all having what seemed like a nice time until...her food came and she went off! She complained about everything and loudly. How her food lacked this item or that and she was not going to pay "that price" for what was on her plate. After a few minutes of that mess (I continued to go about my biz and ignored her. I was wishing I could disappear) the owner came around and apologized and we left there not paying a cent. As we walked to my car she just went on and on and Mr X was just adding to it and agreeing with everything she said. I said nothing, became invisible, drove her home and before I dropped him off (I was being polite) he made a comment in the car to which I said "her behavior and your response was extremely poor. There was no need for the circus that just took place and I don't do well with loudness and poor behavior. She could have totally handled that differently and you as her cousin could have deflected her tone in another direction." He just looked at me like I was crazy. Like what I said was out of this world and unimaginable. I said Goodnight and drove off.

illustration by 123rf.com

So you think I would have learned my lesson and lost the number but noooooooo. What I did instead was ignore Mr. X for about a week but since early on I had accepted an invitation to the San Gennaro festival in NYC we ended up going out again. This is the second thing. We are both sort of dressed up because we had a few stops in mind that day. We are walking through the crowds, enjoying the scene, music, food etc...we're walking down this block looking at the window displays when a gentleman and his lady walk by us. The man is also in a suit and he compliments Mr. X on his choice of nice black suit. Mr X says thank you with a few more words and we walk away.

As we walk away I am smiling laughing enjoying my stroll and I hear Mr. X mumble under his breath something to the effect of "blah blah stupid it isn't a black suit, its dark blue get it right". That was it! I stopped in my tracks and said "are you for real? Is that all you took from that exchange? You are way out of line." Mr. X says "oh here we go again, what is your problem, what's the big deal he shouldn't have gotten my suit color wrong." I said "seriously, its dark as heck out here and your suit is dark, why couldn't you just say thanks leave it at that instead of diminishing his compliment by focusing on such a small detail?" "That is very petty of you and you often show petty behavior and I am just very uncomfortable". He rolled his eyes and sucked his teeth, commented again he saw no big deal and I just walked ahead and straight to my car. He asked what happened to rest of our plans and I said I had changed my mind I would drop him off if he wanted but I was out.

illustration by wormsandgermsblog.com

We drove in silence I said Good night and never looked back. Now some may ask well if you knew what you wanted and what you stood for why so many chances? Well because I didn't want to be quick in judgment, I wanted to see if it was just me making something out of nothing or just genuine "oh no you not for me" I've been judged too quickly in the past and that isn't fair. Sometimes we don't present our best self in certain situations but it doesn't mean we aren't good. We are just having a bad moment.

Mr. X was making some career changes, life changes etc...so I credited his missteps to that. But they weren't that, he genuinely had jerk behaviors and traits. He literally didn't get it and didn't care either. Life was about him and his world had no room for empathy or respect for others. He didn't see anything wrong with saying the first thing that came to his mouth.

I don't regret my encounter with that frog. It taught me a lot about myself and my values. It taught me to be more mindful about falling for appearance. He was so good looking until he opened his mouth, perhaps if he would have spoken less things would have been better. I'd find moments I would look at him and say to myself "please just shut up. say nothing and look cute cause you are a hot mess". But that would have been a lie. After a while that eye candy would have turned into an eye sore.

Ladies and Gents keep me in mind next time great eye candy passes you by. Remember how I said I saw red flags from day one. Stay tuned for more date adventure shares and feel free to share with me your stories. I'd love to hear about the frogs you have run into.

Always stress free xo.

Knowing when to Let Go

Dear Me