Jaw-dropping tips to Dating in your 40's
Hey! So what's been going on with you? Are you as tired of this crazy weather as I am? I put away some stuff the other day only to be scrambling to bring them down again a few days later...unreal.
So, I want to dig right in because I can't wait to hear your thoughts and read your shared experiences. I went out the other night to dinner and to an event called the Spring Fling held at the Resorts World Casino in NYC. Let me start with dinner.
I don't know about you, but I can't stand distractions while I am trying to engage in conversation. If you invite someone out it's to be present in the moment, not to be focusing on things that have no value. As I looked around it seemed a few others were having the same issue. Phones on the table, watching the big screen television, eyes wondering all around except to the person directly in front of them. Taking mental notes and shortly after saying the following:
- taking someone out to dinner should be about conversation and connection. It should be a quiet time where all parties involved interact with one another and the investment is valued.
- your phone isn't going anywhere. Selfies and food pics can hold off for another time. Everything doesn't have to be shared in that instant.
- watch television at home. If you wanted to eat and watch television you could have saved yourself the drive and leaving a tip. Yes granted there are some events you do go out and watch in a more public place. If that is the case please make sure all parties involved are aware this is one of those times.
- keep things light. All topics are not dinner topics every time. Sometimes keeping things fun goes a long way. Life is hard as it is, dealing with it as you are trying to enjoy your favorite dish is not necessary.
Now getting into the main event, the Spring Fling. We arrive, everyone is ready to get their dance on we walk into the concert/dance floor and the scene looks like that movie, Cacoon. Now I never personally saw this movie myself it's from 1985 I had to look it up! I was barely entering High School but I remember the premise. Older people finding the "fountain of youth" sort of story. Now let me clarify I don't feel age is of importance. I strongly believe youth is in our minds. How we perceive things is how we will approach them. I also believe that our life experiences sometimes cause us to age far too quickly which is what I came across that night.
The music was from the late 60's perhaps early 70's not the upbeat kind but the dreary type. The crowd was mixed but I certainly felt like the youngest person in there and I am forty-five. I knew the songs and I even liked some of them but I felt it was just not the right place or the right message for that moment. Spring fling! hello! we suppose to be getting our party on shaking our booties. Adult setting grown folks mingling, drinking having a good time.
I am a Hip Hop, R&B, Freestyle, New Jack Swing, Merengue, Salsa etc, etc type of gal. I like moving around and singing. When I go out I don't want to think about bills, arguments or life's bumps. I want to enjoy and be grateful for what I do have and can experience. These folks were dressing the part but their faces and movements said otherwise. Taking mental notes once again and saying the following:
- people! life does not end after 40! Why are you walking around like you are bored of living? Why are you not enjoying grown life? We couldn't wait to become adults and now that we are here we are disgruntled?
- if you dress old and think old you will be old. Hitting your forties doesn't mean that you no longer get to dress in certain colors or styles. It doesn't mean you stop wearing those favorite items you have always loved it doesn't mean your clothing choices can't be fun.
- change your stinky attitude. No one owes you anything. Change your perspective and perhaps you will be more pleasant to approach. Stop talking about your age and what you don't have or can't get.
- take care of yourself. Don't think just because you are "grown" that your hygiene and appearance no longer matter...they do. No one wants to go out with someone who looks like they just ran out the house. Haircuts and nice hands still matter.
- embrace a healthier lifestyle. A belly that looks like a basketball or smoking on your break is not going to contribute to a good quality of life. It really isn't a big deal for you to change some of your food choices.
- sex. Yes, sex is important, stop lying to others and to yourself that it is not. Experiencing pleasure is not something that stops in our twenties. Healthy relationships include sex, all types of sex and expressions of intimacy. This is not just important for men, it is just as important for women as well. Try new things, read some books, learn and grow. Let go of judgments and do more for you.
Funny how one night and two events brought on so many thoughts. But I just feel that people in my age group have somehow lost their youthful spirit. Not all of course but some and those "some" pollute the air. If these are your "peeps" if this is your "tribe" then how can you not eventually conform to the same train of thought? Like-minded? This is not the sort of like minded people you want to be around if you want to build healthy, fun and even long term relationships.
Dating in your 40's, yeah certainly not a life goal but certainly not a doomsday sentence either. It's a matter of perspective and if these happen to be the cards you were dealt, why not make the most of your hand and play them correctly. So recap...
- pay attention to details
- be clear on your intent
- stay light and youthful
- have fun
- stay healthy and take good care of yourself and
- don't forget about SEX
Now, what do you think? Should relationships no longer be a goal after forty? Must we begin to settle after a certain age? What age is too old to consider dating? Share your thoughts with me can't wait to chat.
Always stress-free xo,