Free yourself by seeing people for Who they are not the Potential of who they can Become
Hello love, today I want us to dive into the perspective of what acceptance really means. What is required of us to be able to accept others in our lives for exactly who they are. Is there a check list? Does it mean the same for every one? Is it a road filled with bumps or is the journey as smooth as a baby’s bottom? Does this digging in demand that we are selfish or selfless?
I always find that no matter what the gathering, who’s in attendance or where it’s being held at some point the conversations turn to relationships. I love this topic of course because there are just so many views. No one is right or wrong it is just about perspective and the place you are currently in in your life. Sometimes though, I find myself feeling sad for some of the shares I hear sound as if people are stuck and can’t see a way out or perhaps just other options for how to deal with a particular situation.
“Oh it is what it is, you know how marriage/relationships are, no one is really happy all the time.” What! What do you mean?!
Of course I understand that in intimate relationships as in any relationship you go through ups and downs. No one goes through life without experiencing a variety of disappointments. But to settle in disappointment, from my perspective is unacceptable. You see, to me it is all about choice. You can choose differently at any moment when something doesn’t feel right for you. There is a difference when someone prefers that you wear a particular blouse or shirt, or favors you in a specific hairstyle or colors but the core of who someone is can never be changed unless they choose to do so and that is where our problems in our connections begin.
Again let’s be clear that objects are certainly different than traits or behavior and one must always keep that in mind when dealing with the phrase "I love you as you are" because if we don't then we can find ourselves in conflict. I am going to *re-share a snippet of an old post and wrap back around to now…
*As a mom I love my daughter regardless but it would be a lie to say that if her behavior was poor, disrespectful and perhaps even dangerous I could say without hesitation I Love you as you are. Surely I would love her none the less but I would take measures to correct those things that were distasteful. Same is to be said for a partner. Of course when we first fall in love little things don't seem to matter and we just brush them off. As you continue to build though there comes a time when a check list should be made.
-Can I live with this?
-Can I tolerate that?
-Will she change this?
-Will he stop doing that?
From my pasts relationships I've learned a few things one being that the outside is easy to fix, adjust or even change but its the inside that is complicated. My daughter's father was great at compromises when it came to semi insignificant things but when it came to life decisions, maturity and responsibility we were on two totally different pages. We swore we loved each other but as the years passed certain behaviors never changed. That I Love you just the way you are became harder and harder to work with.
In my second relationship all those past issues were non factors, no need to even think about those things that once caused me such disappointment. This time around the frame was much stronger and the commonalities were much more visible. A few minor adjustments here and there but the I Love you as you are seemed to be in full effect until it wasn't. Again the outside is easier to fix than the inside.
So is potential good enough when you say I love you? Should we accept that our future husband or life partner is short tempered when deprived of sleep? Should it become the norm that your wife won't allow your friends over the house? Will it be acceptable that your partner speaks loudly on his phone conversations in the street? Will you not have a problem with the house being kept in certain order?
Whatever the issues may be big or small clarity is a must. This doesn't just pertain to intimate relationships. If you have a friend whose behavior changes after a second drink, do you not make a comment? If your Girlfriend is too quick to hand out her number, do you not pull her aside and say something? If your son always breaks his promises, do you call him out on it or do you miss out on the teaching moment of what it means to be someone who keeps his word?
Those were my thoughts then, today it still continues to be very important I feel that you Free yourself by seeing people for Who they are not the Potential of who they can Become. This allows for acceptance to flourish and expectations to be cleared out the way. When you accept you can see more of the good things than when you focus on the bad. When you accept you give yourself the peace and freedom to grow in the direction that fulfills your dreams and life’s journey.
When you are free you can even let go of those you love without sitting in bitterness or resentment. You give yourself the gift of starting another chapter, embarking on a new journey, living in joy and creating your best life. When you free yourself by seeing people for Who they are not the Potential of who they can Become, that is a real I Love You. That is true Acceptance.
What do you think? Is building on Potential better than not building at all? Is is selfish to want clarity and not Potential? Do you feel as if you have settled or were you there once and moved on? Share your experience here…
Always stress free xo,