Five reasons why I hate talking about Myself
A picture painted of who I am is all you have to go by until you see me in Action.
Have you ever been described someone just before you met them and when you finally did you felt like you had been misdirected? As you engage with this person you find yourself say “wait a minute, you are nothing like what so and so said”. Whether it was positive or negative the mere fact that someone else painted one picture and it turned out to be another was a shock to your system.
Today we have so much access to celebrities lives that we tend to walk around with a sense of actually knowing them. We speak about them as if they run in our circle, call us on the phone or even hang out with us and share their intimate details. We post #relationshipgoals when we see happy, smiling pics of couples we admire. We post #goals when we see others living lavishly on “the Gram” sharing their travels, fancy purchases, and or gifts they have received. But would that be your goal if they posted just as much about their heartaches?
I started Mommywood going on six years this coming August as a way to deal with all the emotions I had about motherhood, relationships, and my lifestyle. At the time I hadn’t found a place where women expressed more kindness than regret or spoke about self first before their children and families. I hadn’t found someone I could connect with about my journey with the family I was born into. Today gratefully so there are many places you can go to and find comfort in. Many sites, books, groups, retreats, etc…yet still many women are reluctant to use what is available to them and most often even for free.
Though I have shared a lot of my journey here over the years I still find myself pausing just before I press publish and I will explain why: Five reasons why I hate talking about Myself…
-Truth Hurts, digging deep into your history and speaking hurtful experiences in your life can be both crippling and freeing. You just don’t know that the freedom will come and the healing will begin until you decide to release. I come from a family history of mental illness, emotional disconnect, and alcoholism. I never liked to discuss these things but I realized that in order for me to LIVE I had to share, I had to speak and stop feeling shame. An affirmation of just how far I had come was watching Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett Smith and her mother discussing Addiction. Six years after I began to talk here was this famous woman talking about her own journey with her mother. Take away the labels, the fame, etc…we are more alike than we are different.
-Motherhood is a Choice, I have made many women, especially older women angry with this statement. But this has always been my belief. Even as a child I never understood the resentful mother. The woman who was constantly unhappy or playing the martyr just because she didn’t do something for herself and said it was because she had a child. Children don’t ask to be born, if a woman decides to have a baby than she should commit whole heartedly to the responsibility and enjoy the ride. For years I hated sharing my journey because it wasn’t full of sacrifice. It didn’t have guilt trips or an angry child or years of not doing for myself. I had had such a wonderful journey that it was not believable that was and still is until you have had the chance to meet my daughter. Living in Mommywood is about taking away the “giving up” of yourself just to be a great mom. You are a great mom just by changing your perspective and deciding to become one. Sharing my point of view hasn’t been easy but I know it is necessary.
-Love is not a daily battlefield. I walked away from the love of my life with whom I shared an eighteen year relationship and a daughter. I walked away while still having love and hope for him, for me, for us. I walked away because I knew I had to love myself more than I loved the idea of keeping my family together. When it comes to intimate relationships I hate talking about myself because I don’t believe in sacrificing myself for the sake of saving my family. I believe I save my family by saving myself FIRST. I saw first hand how destructive verbal abuse could be in a household and I didn’t want that for myself or my child. I didn’t want the love to be lost completely because I didn’t know when to call it quits. Today we get a front seat view of well known people and their significant others and their idea of relationships. You see them post one day full of hugs and kisses the next day they are tearing each other down. Cheating is forgiven with diamonds and name brand bags. The word love is thrown around like sprinkling salt on a salad. But love is a commitment to yourself first than you add another NOT the other way around. Love is dedication to creating your best self so that you can join with another and build a stronger unit. Love only requires the sacrifice of ego not of self.
-Mindfulness is not as glamorous as living your life through Social Media. There is a certain level that is considered hitting “success” when you are part of anything on Social Media. Likes, shares, and follows are all dictated by numbers. The higher your number the more “successful” you have become or so we have been programmed to believe. If it isn’t posted then it isn’t true, right? If it is posted then it must be true right? If you are doing great things, taking part in great deeds are they any less valuable just because no one knows about them? In my first year of blogging I heard a lot about monitory this and that. I was “encouraged” to join all sorts of flaky crap just so that I could grown my audience. I was told that no one really wants to read about women’s daily struggles with parenting, finances, self-care, aging, etc…You can’t please everyone. You must follow your own heart, be authentic to your calling. I don’t have to post pictures of myself daily doing the most regular things in order to be successful. But I do have to walk the talk in order to look at myself in the mirror and smile at who I see. Trust and believe Beyonce and Jay Z are doing amazing things you have no idea about. Actions speak volumes. I prefer to be mindful in all my actions and in all my moves. What I share I believe will reach who needs it the most.
-Mental Health and Self-Care go hand in hand. I can’t share my journey in one without opening up about the other. One we speak of loudly and often the other we are just now beginning to acknowledge and give importance to. If this is how society has always dealt with this matter how could I approach it any differently? When you know better, you do better. It has taken me years to accept just how deeply my family history had impacted all aspects of my life. Long hours of heavy conversations with my daughter, dealing with my late grandmother who had Alzheimer’s who I lovingly call my baby #2, lots of reading, watching, exploring. All tools I have held tightly to in my healing. Every day I free myself a little bit more but it is because I am Talking about myself.
Find one thing that scares you and do it anyway. Five reasons why I hate talking about Myself is that one thing for me today. Free yourself of that picture someone has painted of you. Release any shame you may have about your story. Through sharing and conversation healing begins.
What is your story? Who are you as opposed to who people paint you out to be? Share your journey.
Always stress-free xo,