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Breaking down our Child Support System

Hey lovelies, today I want to chat with you about a subject that may be very sensitive to some. I want to share my thoughts and my own experience and I hope a great conversation can come of this either with me or within your own circle, even your partner. It came to me some time ago as I read one of my news blogs and it had an article about one of my favorite rappers DMX and his latest run in with the police.

The article was based on his latest arrest for not paying child support. Now I have very strong views on this issue I am going to share them with you. They are my perspective so I am not trying to disrespect anyone.
I don't believe in forcing someone to give me money for their child. What!? Are you serious, yes I am. I don't believe in anything forced period, I find nothing good comes out of it but resentment and bitterness.

illustration by janfrank.org

When we get into relationships no one goes in with an expiration date but it happens. People change, circumstances change life changes period. So when it does end and the money fights begin that tarnishes the whole connection. I didn't take the child support route when I ended my relationship with my daughter's father. I didn't want to invest the energy in courts and figures. You know your responsibilities, you know where we live, you know her needs do with that information as you wish. If you contribute nice if you don't I'm ok too because I am not relaying on your money to support our child.

My mom and dad didn't go that route either and I believe it was one of the many reasons they have such a great respect for one another today. He didn't give my mom a set amount monthly, he gave what he could and when my mom reached out and they spoke of up coming events they worked together to come up with something fair all around. He did what he could with money he had available and my mom understood that and worked with him. She was forced to take the opposite route with my sister's father just because that relationship was totally wrapped in bitterness and the drama that came along with it to me was just not worth it.

It affected my sisters for years, their view of their father has been forever tainted and their view on relationships shattered. No child should hear negative remarks about another parents value, no child should connect money to love. Labels like deadbeat, uselessgolddigger or lazy lump everyone together and do more harm then good when are children hear us say them.

illustration by cssd.dc.gov

I believe the whole Child Support system needs an update, I believe it is run on old ideals and outdated biases. I don't see how jailing a parent is going to get your money any faster. I don't understand how suspending someone's license helps the bills get paid and I don't understand the not reevaluating each case periodically for changes. For those who decide to take the Child Support route fine I get it, both parents should be responsible for their child. I get the premise behind the system I just don't get the outcomes.

I've known men who pay monthly and are not allowed to see their child, I know men who have paid the same amount for years even if their incomes have changed, I know men who pay support to the mother but the child doesn't even live with her. Now don't get me wrong I know there are some rotten apples out there. Some dudes that are living life without a care in the world while their child and mostly the mother struggle monthly. But let's not lump everyone into the same pot. And let's not loose sight also that this is not just a system that deals with fathers, mothers can fall into this system as well.

Again I go back to the jail part, if DMX's livelihood is making music and traveling and appearing in concerts and you remove him from that, how does that benefit his child(ren)? I was at a concert some months ago where he was suppose to appear and he was arrested as he was getting out of his car at the venue. He looses money, everyone looses money.
If you suspend my license sure I can take a bus or train but what if I'm a cab driver or bus driver? How do I make money then?

illustration by smamthadmalloy.com

Everyone has rough patches the system should allow for times said parent has little to no income because again life is not predictable. I'm not saying give a free pass or it's no big deal, I'm just saying this system as it stands does more harm than good and both sides should have their rights protected.

What do you think? What has your experience been and do you think it could have turned out any differently? Do you feel confident in this system? Please share let's start a conversation.
I am including some links for additional background.

yahoo.com/music
nypost.com
dadsdivorce.com
nytimes.com

Always stress free xo.
Mari

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