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Welcome to my Blog. A place that encourages Zen with a little mix of Fiesty!

Is the term Unconditional Love misleading?

Is the term Unconditional Love misleading?

Hey! Hope things are going well. Grateful to see we are getting closer to Spring. Looking forward to warmer weather. Had a Nor'Easter over the weekend and it was pretty messy had me wishing for Palm trees and warm breezes.

I sent out an email a few days ago letting you know about my Photography book, hope you saw it. If you haven't I am excited to share I just published my Photography book and it's available on Amazon. I am currently offering it at a discount to my loyal followers. Hardcover at $70 and Softcover at $55 through Pay Pal and Quick Pay. I am also entering those who reply to the email and to those who comment below a FREE 8x10 print which I will announce the winner on March 24th. Good luck and hope to hear from you soon.

This journey of Self Publishing has been very eye-opening, very scary, overwhelming, and time-consuming but also very humbling and revealed many blessings. When I finally made the announcement to my close friends and family I sold three books in under an hour! It may not seem like much on a grand scale but for me, it was cause for some tear shedding.

To have those you love believe in you is a big deal but to have them support you in a manner that helps you build your brand and see your dreams come to life is priceless. Anyone can text a quick message or shoot a brief email but to invest in your vision is something else. Actions over words always matter to me most, especially when it comes to family and friends.

Which as always starts me thinking and evaluating the circumstances under which we build connections. This time I asked myself...Is the term Unconditional Love misleading? It brought me back to a post I had written in the past but want to touch upon again and even add to. A bit lengthy but please hear me out xo.

Here's what I said:

I can't love UnConditionally because that may cause me internal and/or external harm. Be it physical, emotional or mental. Well how shocking of a statement is that, but let's think about this for a moment and let's be open to a different perspective.

What is UnConditional Love? The most common definition is -affection without limitations. Love without conditions. A mother's/Father's Love, complete love even true altruism. Some people will argue and say that this type of love is the only way to love.

Let's break down what happens to us at times when we "practice" this Love...

with our friends:

-we begin to take a back seat in conversations

-we neglect our own feelings

-we stop sharing our good or bad news if it begins to affect how they feel when they hear it

-we make excuses when the connection starts to become one-sided

-we become drained with even the thought of their presence

with our partners:

-we begin to take a back seat in conversations

-we neglect our own feelings

-we stop sharing our good or bad news if it begins to affect how they feel when they hear it

-we make excuses when the connection starts becoming one-sided

-we become drained with even the thought of their presence

-things become more and more about external things then about "us" as a unit

with our families:

-we begin to take a back seat in conversations

-we neglect our own feelings

-we stop sharing our good or bad news if it begins to affect how they feel when they hear it

-we make excuses that "its family, so what else can you do?"

-we become drained with even the thought of their presence

-we stop growing

with our children:

-we neglect our own needs and comforts

-we neglect our own feelings

-we become consumed with the "idea" of perfection

-we sometimes become ill and often walk around in sheer exhaustion

-we feel guilt over feeling disappointment

This is just the basic roller coaster of UnConditional Love.

From my own experience, I will share that when I practiced this type of love with my friends, partners, and family it left me lost. It left me feeling beaten, unappreciated and drained. Sometimes I had a sense that nothing was good enough, I wasn't doing enough, I wasn't sacrificing enough.

As time progressed slowly events in my life woke me up to see otherwise. I learned that my love was enough, that I was doing enough that I was enough. I was the problem I had no boundaries, no conditions and I was mad at others when truth be told Everything has a condition.

-you and your employer

-you and your mortgage company

-you and a department store

-you and your business partner

We must realize that in order to give Love we must first truly love ourselves first. Just because we set certain expectations whether spoken or not on others in our lives doesn't mean we are selfish. When your partner treats you poorly and you say nothing, you bottle it up inside. You're so-called loving unconditionally yet that negative feeling is building up. When your family takes you for granted and you just go along with it, negativity is building up.

You are hurting yourself, so why would you in a sense love UnConditionally? I left our love for our children last. I wanted to share my experience.

Though I learned how to deal with others around me later in life from the beginning I set out to build something different with my daughter. I don't know that it was wishful thinking as I was doing it and I perhaps secretly wished it would trickle into other parts of my life but I just did things differently.

From the beginning, I loved my daughter with conditions.

I would love her, nurture her, teach her, guide her, support her but with the condition that she would love, respect, communicate and treat me with kindness always.

As she grew, we grew and those conditions grew. As our communication continued and continues to evolve she knows we both have our parts to play in the connection. In this relationship there are limitations. You can't take me for granted as your mom, you can't assume I will just do. Yes, I love you and support you but the time I invest in nurturing you and taking care of you must be rewarded with respect, love, and kindness in return.

I am blessed to always say I have reaped and continue to reap the rewards of such a setting. I love my daughter deeply and she loves me and we live in such expression daily. We chose to set our intentions so kindness and respect are always present.

My conditions are pretty simple I think, even basic but to many something unattainable or unimaginable. Communication, again...is the key.

We must express what we want in order to receive it. We must be clear in order to be open.

So, what are your thoughts? What has been your result when you loved Unconditionally? Did it make you feel blissful or sad, for filled or empty? During my Mindfulness living journey, I continue to come across the phrase "you teach others how to treat you". This is not a lie. When you set the tone others will follow. Never sell yourself short.

Always stress-free xo,

Mari

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