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Welcome to my Blog. A place that encourages Zen with a little mix of Fiesty!

Shaming

I decided to really see how common this was since you should never just solely rely on what you hear, read or are told.

This past year alone I have noticed more often than not stories of kids standing in corners with signs, or parents posting pictures of their children with notes all to show others the wrong they did and as a means of punishment.

But who are you really punishing and how is shame and humiliation coming from a parent any different than coming from a so called bully?

What lesson can I learn from putting my child and myself out in the open for the world to judge? Are my parenting skills so poor that I couldn't come up with a better solution to solve an issue in my home?

How are punishments of that magnitude lessons? How are those actions teaching moments?
How is a father wearing booty shorts to "show" his daughter that they may not be appropriate for her to wear going to stop her from finding them cute? All she could think about that is her dad looks like a total jerk.

Our responsibility as parents is to find the best route to solve a problem, to find the safest solution to curve poor behavior, to use best means to keep our children safe and feeling loved, supported and guided.

I can't even imagine ever shaming my daughter or nieces or nephews about anything they have ever done that could have been deemed as poor choice or action. I love them dearly, they are my world. How is shaming and humiliating someone you love useful?

As always I go back to communication. I go back to our choices in words. I go back to starting from birth.

- Your child can't wear so called inappropriate piece of clothing if you don't buy it for them. If they have an allowance you still have a responsibility to monitor their purchases.
- Your child won't curse at a teacher as a means of expression if you have made it clear that certain words will not be tolerated. Not to mention if you have shown that you yourself can curve your potty mouth.
- Your child won't think hitting solves all problems if he is aware of how to use other skills to resolve differences.

There is always a solution. Parenting is a work in progress one size does not fit all.
I don't want to sound corny but love and kindness will always be the best approach.

My daughter can always goes back to her freshmen year in H.S. and how she "thought" that cutting class because she was having some difficulty was the solution, not considering that though I have never been a hovering mom I am and will always be aware of her movements. Just because I don't comment doesn't mean I don't keep a tally. I guess she was so wrapped up in how not to get caught she forgot report cards keep track of your absences. Once I put the pieces together I sat her down for a talk. I talked, she listened, she talked, I listened. Solution was found. Problem solved, punishment...one month of no hanging out after school with friends or weekend sleepovers or activities. That may not seem harsh enough to some but for a child who never gets punished and whose mother never expresses disappointment in her actions, that was enough to set her back on track.

What do you think? What is your idea of the best punishment method?
I am including some links to those shaming methods stories, tell me what you think.

clutchmagonline.com
wfla.com
mommypage.com
oddee.com

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